Is that a Judgement Gun Morphing in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Kiznaiver? I barely even know ‘er!

Fucking. Nailed it.

The best anime of this season is Archer. Except it isn’t because the new season of Archer fucking sucks.

You’ll remember1 I said before that the Showa rakugo show was probably the best thing last season.

So obviously I didn’t watch it.

I put watching anime off for weeks, then I got a job so I was too busy. Having a job is great, because greasing the wheels of the capitalist machine allows me to pay for the one-fourth of Crunchyroll’s catalogue I can access from the UK.2

So here’s my ranking of Japanimation Cartoons this season

  1. JoJo
  2. Sakamoto
  3. Lost Village
  4. Luluco
  5. Tonkatsu
  6. Kiznaiver
  7. Joker Game

Hire me Buzzfeed you fucks. I can send you my sample, 27 Mahouka GIFs That Prove Donald Trump Is The Best Man To Be President

⚡️The Lightning Round⚡️

JoJo is basically perfect, so go get your shitty JJBA takes from whichever blogger is shilling over on fucking Hummingbird or whatever.3

Sakamoto is pretty good. Hope it isn’t a one trick pony.

Lost Village is gonna be a trainwreck and I want to be there for the very end.

Luluco was nowhere near as bananas as it should have been. Just make more Inferno Cop instead.

Tonkatsu is uh



I feel like Kiznaiver is what happens when all the fun people at Trigger get locked out of the meeting room while everyone else brainstorms an original anime concept. Too bad they just made Sense8. Sound design was pretty good though.

Joker Game is so drab and lifeless, I almost feel like applauding the production team for taking all the tension out of a show about spies.

New for this season! I’ll be releasing a video game where the monkeys at typewriters who compose my blog posts are kidnapped and our daring protagonist has to save them.

In the end it’s just some fucking ARG to promote Yet Another Stuck In An MMO Anime.

🎵You’ve got stuck in a MMOment / And you can’t get out of it🎵

Shows are getting shorter and shorter. We’re like max twelve months away from Teekyuu season 10 being made to fit in a Vine. Season 11 will be on Snapchat.

Can you fucking believe they’re making a FLCL sequel? I’m gonna drop the fucking PoMo mask I wear for my anime posts for a moment; who the fuck asked for more FLCL? Revisiting it goes against the whole fucking ethos of the show. Don’t ruin legacies by making sequels to shows that didn’t need them. £10 says it never airs anyway, a release date so far in the future is such a red flag.

AnimeMaru was a mistake.

Who’s ready for Summer 2016 and every other tweet on their timeline being about Love Live Sunshine? At least Orange finally got an anime.

If Evangelion was made in 2016, Yuki Kaji would be cast as Shinji.

Spring 2016 sucks except for JoJo. I’m gonna go watch Attack on Trains. Peace out, fuckos.

1. lmao no you won’t because no one reads this shit
2. Ok that’s not fair, they were pretty good at buying UK rights this season
3. remember when we were all gonna jump ship from MAL to Hummingbird? w

The Disappearance of Frank Underwood

What is House of Cards without its Machiavellian figurehead?

(Spoilers up till 4×06/Chapter 45 ahead.)

The very first episode of House of Cards opens with a scene that brutally sets the tone; Kevin Spacey’s Frank Underwood strangles his neighbours’ dog to death after it is hit by a car, to ease its suffering and put the creature out of its misery. It’s also the first time he addresses the audience directly:

There are two kinds of pain: the sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain, the sort of pain that’s only suffering. I have no patience for useless things.

This breaking of the fourth wall is a storytelling quirk that was retained in the process of adapting the UK miniseries House of Cards (based upon the novels of Michael Dobbs1). In the original, the late, great Ian Richardson’s Francis Urquhart practically engages in dialogue with the voiceless viewer, protesting “no, no, no!” at the very suggestion that he could be a candidate for Premiership in the wake of Thatcher’s resignation.

My enthusing for the BBC’s House of Cards is not to say that this narrative device originated therein, of course. It is a technique as old as theatre, employed by Sondheim, Stoppard and Shakespeare. Indeed, House of Cards borrows so heavily from the Scottish play that upon leaving a party celebrating the election of his party’s Prime Minister he remarks to his wife Elizabeth:

That woman said she thought I should be Prime Minister… Glamis and Cawdor and King hereafter.

Netflix’s House of Cards can feel as far removed from Shakespeare as possible at times, what with its guinea pig crushing and Presidential ménages-à-trois. But like Richard III, we stand with Frank Underwood; we are his co-conspirators. By the end of season two, he is our president.

And yet season three saw our unassailable antihero faltering on numerous fronts. His popularity with the public was at rock bottom, and his America Works program is a shambles. Underwood’s plotting had always been supported by his wife Claire, wonderfully portrayed by Robin Wright. Claire is his Lady Macbeth, just as ruthless as he is in her pursuit of power. Their marriage was never one born of mutual attraction – it was more business partnership than loving partnership, despite Frank’s declaration in the first episode:

I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood.

Season three saw the balance of power shifted – perhaps irrevocably – towards Claire. Despite her resignation from an ambassadorial role at the UN, she is more powerful than ever as she wavers in her loyalty to her husband. Season four takes this even further, as an attempt is made on Frank’s life while on the campaign trail,2 temporarily taking him out of the picture while he fights for his life.

The result is an episode completely devoid of dialogue from Francis J. Underwood. Claire forces her way onto the world stage, manipulating Acting President Donald Blythe in much the same manner as her husband had in the preceding years to send her to the G7 summit in Brandenburg. It was commonly said that Wright’s Claire was a far more compelling figure in House of Cards once Frank had sworn to faithfully execute the presidential office, so for her to literally replace her husband seemed like an inevitable outcome.

Once Frank leaves hospital, with an all-new liver to replace the one that was obliterated by the assassination attempt, he is a shell of his former self. His hair is visibly greyer, and he is so frail that his wife becomes a literal crutch upon which to lean. He is a weakened man, completely overshadow by and reliant upon Claire:

I said you were nothing […] without me. It’s the other way around.

Episode six of the fourth season closes with him re-taking his place in the Cabinet, a familiar quasi-smirk upon his face as he looks straight down the camera as if to say “I’m back, what the hell are you gonna do about it?” And yet we cannot help but question the feeble old man we see before us, the artist formerly known as Frank Underwood. This surely cannot last. All indications point to Heather Dunbar, his opponent for the Democratic nomination, pulling out, leaving Underwood as the sole survivor, but by far his greatest opponent from this point on is far closer to home.

The situation brings to mind a radical possibility – could House of Cards function without Frank Underwood? The Underwood of the fairer sex has surpassed him in all aspects but one – he still remains President, and she the First Lady, influential and respected but more or less devoid of power. Claire makes the ludicrous suggestion that she serves as his running mate in the election; it now seems more likely that Claire goes one further. President Claire Hale-Underwood has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

1. Though the novels were told completely in third person, with the fourth wall remaining staunchly unbroken.
2. The perpetrator of which is none other than Lucas Goodwin, he of the Washington Herald and the cyber-terrorism charges that saw him jailed in season two. He was absent from season three.

I just don’t care about Durarara any more

Durarara sucks now. And it might always have sucked.


What happened in last week’s episode of Durarara? Anyone? Thought not.

I get it. I really like that anime studios are willing to make shows with unconventional storytelling styles. Baccano is real good, y’all, go fuckin’ watch Baccano. But Durarara is a hot mess of gangs and high school and the supernatural and ugh. Obviously my mentioning Baccano is no coincidence, what with Ryohgo Narita writing both. Sure, Baccano jumped about three main timelines, and it had enough characters to warrant an OP that introduced each one individually, but at least you could follow it. At this point Durarara is near-incomprehensible.

Follow me here. Baccano had those distinct timelines, but there was a clear demarcation between them. Title cards announced the year whenever there was a change, so there was little chance of confusion, even when certain characters are prominent in all three timelines. Within each timeline there were a couple of sub-plots but they were more or less easy to follow.

I’m trying to imagine a Baccano told over three seasons of an anime, and I’m not convinced that would ruin it. For sure the show would lose some of the novelty that came from telling three(-ish) stories at once, but at its heart it’s still a good story. And really, that’s what we’re watching anime for in the end, isn’t it? Well, I guess some people are watching for cute girls singing bland j-pop songs, but whatever.


I think Durarara has a story. I’m sure it fulfils the basic conditions of being a narrative. But watching an episode of Durarara nowadays feels like walking the wrong way up an escalator. With each step I think I’m a little closer to understanding the full picture, but with the amount of crap each episode throws out I’m no nearer the top.

I literally just finished watching last week’s episode, and I can barely remember what happened. Fedora Guy and Kida had a dumb fight on top of a building and Celty’s head got stolen by Varona. Oh, and Shizuo did a Shizuo thing with the bars of his police cell.

(Do police cells even have bars any more? I don’t think they do.)

What happened in the episode before that? No idea. Durarara’s plot dissolves on contact with air, it’s fucking Water Vapour: The Show. Let’s compare it completely unfairly with the first Patlabor OVA. I watched it last week, having no prior experience of the franchise:

A new division of the police team that uses mecha (Labor) to fight is formed, and the new team members arrive at their base. Unfortunately, their shiny bright new Labors are stuck in traffic, and there are terrorists on the loose piloting a Labor. They intercept the truck transporting the Labors and sortie to corner the terrorists in a park. The two Labors take extensive damage (one losing a head, the other an arm), but they eventually apprehend the terrorists.

I wrote that from memory. I think the mark of a good story, and of a good episode, is being able to recall it some time later.

Think of it in terms of music; you’re not going to remember the words or the tune of a bad song unless you were forced to listen to it. Even when it’s a song that you might not particularly like, if it’s got a good melody or good lyrics you’re likely to remember it. Plucking a few songs from the ether… “Toxic” by Britney Spears. “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” by Kylie Minogue. “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne. Three early-2000s pop songs by mainstream female artists. You couldn’t get much further from the kind of music I generally listen to, and yet I can easily recall the melodies to all three songs. Why? Because they’re great records!

That episode of Patlabor was memorable and compelling, neither of which are adjectives that could be applied to Durarara since it returned a year ago. Was it always like this? Did the original anime suck this hard too? Maybe. It was generally acknowledged that Durarara couldn’t hold a candle to Baccano, but it always came with the caveat that it was ‘incomplete’, that because there was so much source material yet to be covered that we couldn’t judge it completely. I rewatched Durarara before beginning the new season a year ago and boy was it difficult to get through.

There’s just too much happening in Durarara to make sense of proceedings. Baccano has seventeen characters named in its OP. Through all five Durarara OPs there have been 33 different named characters, most of whom are still involved in the current plotline. Trying to keep the motivations of two dozen or more characters straight as well as following the week-to-week events is exhausting.

Durarara overreaches massively. It’s not that it’s spread too thinly; quite the opposite in fact. It’s like a hamburger with forty different toppings, and the moment you bring it up to your mouth to take a bite everything just slides out of the bun and ruins the nice shirt you’re wearing and whose idea was it to go on a first date to a burger joint anyway? I mean look, it’s ruined the shirt. Fuck. I don’t think it’s going to work out between you and her anyway. She didn’t even like Baccano.

Do people even blog any more?

always start the post with a quote

-a wise shitposter

WinterSpring 2016 season preview (the season already started idiot, gj)

season previews are the listicles of aniblogging

delete draft

The longer the title of the post, the better the post. FACT. Fucking worked for A&V


‘Anime’ is defined in the Oxford English dictionary as asdfghjkl;’\

things that are popular, well guess what pal, they’re bad 😎

  • top 10 anime tidday

I dropped One Punch Man after one episode. They shoulda called it One Episode Man haha right


Lormeme ipsum dolor sit memet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Vivamemeus a nisl consectetur memeus sollicitudin consequat in sit ameme magna. Donec eleifend nec massa viverra pulvinar.

seriously though doesn’t everyone just find out about shows via ANN these days? don’t forget to check out the winter 2016 anime preview guide sponsored by FUNimation. it’s about ethics in anime journalism

i never met an imation that wasn’t FUN

I didn’t blog for a while, maybe I will now.

I liked Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu a lot. ERASEDBoku Dake ga Inai Machi was cool, so was the candy one.

See it’s called ERASED and I erased it from the sentence oh forget it

short format anime are the last pure form of expression. the best show last season was a flash animation about a dog

but does komatsu own muco or does muco own komatsu?? makes u think

ah shit I have to choose an image for the header, this’ll do

i can’t guarantee future posts won’t also be shitposts, this could just turn into some dumb performance art where i write nonsense about current anime

would anyone even notice the difference?